Create Belonging
Believe it or not, I was a painfully shy kid. The kind of shy that gave me a stomach ache on the first day of school or turned into tears at drop off. When I was 11 years old, my parents enrolled me in a summer camp in a neighboring town, and, even though the focus of the camp was exactly what I wanted to be doing (DANCING!), I begged my parents not to make me go.
When I look back on that experience, what was true was that I didn’t feel like I belonged, and I spent my time there feeling very separate from the group. I felt lonely and nervous and unsure of how to make connections. There were no opportunities to integrate with each other, and I don’t remember the adults doing much to help. I left that summer camp with my first pair of pointe shoes, but I definitely didn’t leave with new confidence or a bolstered spirit.
A picture of me and my pointe shoes
Belonging uncertainty is the general sense that you don’t fit into a specific group or situation, and an insecurity that you may not ever feel like you belong. When you experience belonging uncertainty, you’re less likely to take risks, find mentorship and connections, or achieve goals. It happens in classrooms, workplaces, faith communities, or any place where humans come together for a common purpose. Belonging uncertainty is more likely to happen to folks who feel like they’re the only person like them in the group, which may be because of race, gender, sexual orientation, or ability.
Helping our co-workers know that they belong in our team starts early. When teams are healthy and effective, everyone shares a sense of responsibility to create authentic belonging. In every team, supervisors play a critical role and have unique responsibility to create and sustain a culture of belonging.
The experience of belonging is influenced by our first contacts with the team or supervisor, which includes our experience interviewing and being offered a job. Something simple like sharing interview questions in advance lets candidates know what to expect and, hopefully reduces their stress. Sharing authentic gestures of care and attention during the interview also goes a long way, and we can do that by making eye contact, using the candidate’s name, and offering them something to drink during the interview.
When you offer someone a job, tell them exactly why they’re your top choice. Refer to their professional experiences or learning when you tell them why they’re a good fit for the job, and highlight parts of the interview that stood out to you. Let them know that you see what they have to contribute to the team. Tell them you’re excited to work with them and are eager to experience the strengths they have to share.
“There are lots of ways to minimize the possibility of belonging uncertainty. Taking extra care and intention to support folks from the very beginning will help them integrate and build relationships. ”
Another way to create belonging for a new co-worker is to set them up for success with a clear, organized orientation plan. That includes making sure they get fully trained to meet job expectations and meet stakeholders who they’ll work with. This may be their new co-workers, or important partners or funders.
At a past interim position, I saw firsthand the benefits of a role they called an “onboarding buddy.” Every new employee was connected with a co-worker who would be their onboarding buddy, and it was often someone who wasn’t on their specific team. Their buddy spent time with them to answer questions about the organization and made sure they felt connected to the informal aspects of the day-to-day. Simple things like explaining important acronyms everyone used, or naming the unspoken details during a staff meeting ensured new staff didn’t feel excluded from needed information. The onboarding buddy also organized small gatherings so that the new employee got to meet every person on staff (we were a small team). We were instructed to not talk about work during this time, but instead shared what books we were reading or our favorite genre of music. All of this helped the new employee feel welcomed and valued.
There are lots of ways to minimize the possibility of belonging uncertainty. Taking extra care and intention to support folks from the very beginning will help them integrate and build relationships. This pays off in so many ways! For the individual, feeling certain about your place in a group helps you to focus on your unique role to play and ultimately be more successful and engaged. When we’re part of a team made up of individuals who feel this way, we can thrive, collaborate, and truly make an impact towards our common goals.
